God's Messenger
by trenchcoatsexual
Summary: My take on the Fall of Lucifer and why Gabriel left Heaven. Gen.


**Words: **3, 900+

**A/N: **Written for a prompt at the SPN kink meme: _I need some Gabriel angst. It seems to be pretty common fanon that he and Lucifer were pretty close - how about something set right after Lucifer's Fall? How did Gabriel feel, and what was the final straw that sent him packing?_

__I fuck with Judeo-Christian mythology here, try to correlate it as much as possible with the Supernatural mythology. I think I did rather well. Hope you like. :)

* * *

_There has always been a Hell, much before there even was a Satan. Or at least, much before he was called Satan, or Lucifer._

_Hell was created when Heaven was, because everything has an opposite and God assured the angels that Hell would be important soon enough._

_Heaven was created when the angels were, because they needed a home._

_The angels were created when the Mothers' Beasts were born, because God knew someone would have to protect His most precious creation one day._

_The Mother was created when the Leviathan were locked away, because God needed something to populate his new planet, Earth._

_Earth was created because God was bored one day._

_Satan did not become Satan until centuries upon centuries after Creation. In fact, Satan as Satan is rather young. At the time of the Apocalypse, Lucifer was only two millennia old._

_It is widely believed that Satan is the opposite of God, but this is not true at all. The opposite of God is Nothing._

_Oblivion. Darkness._

_Ironically enough, God created 'Satan' for the very purpose of eliminating the darkness in his new world. Satan- or as he was known before the Fall, Heylel- was created by God to bring forth the Light._

_Funny how things work out, right?_

The day before God created Humanity, the air was dry. It tasted like dust and silence. It pressed down on the angels like some kind of terrifying calm. Beasts already roamed the infant planet, but the angels knew they were not to be concerned about. Joshua had told them upon their creation that they had been made for a purpose, and that was to look out for God's next creation, claiming to be His best yet.

The younger angels didn't question Joshua, the oldest after the four archangels, and the only one besides them who ever spoke to their Father directly.

The four archangels taught their younger siblings what their Father had told them to.

Gabriel, the youngest, taught them the natural order: things are born, things live, things die, and they come to Heaven. At least, that's what Father had told him. He didn't know for sure, because the only 'things' on Earth were the Mother's Beasts and when they died, they joined the Leviathan.

Joshua always told them to wait until God created His 'greatest creation yet', then everything would make sense.

Raphael taught them the ways of the Universe- things like gravity and photosynthesis and the food chain; things that made the Earth self-sufficient, a well-oiled machine with no need for maintenance.

Heylel, the most beautiful and loved of the four brothers, taught them how to use their powers. How to heal and create and, most enjoyably, how to fly. He taught them the concept of love and told them that they were created out of it; this inexplicable, powerful energy. He explained that they were created out of their Father's Love and that, in turn, they should love their Father above all. Love their Father and everything He created. He taught them to never question Him because He knew best.

Michael, the oldest, strongest, most respected and feared, taught them to follow orders. Taught them to fight, should the need ever arise. Joshua assured them that in the future, the need would most certainly arise. Michael taught them what things like wars and battles would come to mean. He taught them to be warriors.

Michael himself didn't know the importance or even the full meaning of these concepts, but his Father had taught them to him and deemed them important.

When Humanity finally sprung forth from the Earth- one male and one female- the angels marveled.

How lovely. How odd. How unique. How different.

How weak. How needy. How troubling. How imperfect.

How curious.

The angel most fascinated by the flawed, interesting newborns was Heylel.

He watched the female closely- Lilith, their Father had told him. He observed her, finding her terribly interesting. She was riveting. Beautiful in a way that almost outshined Heylel himself, and how she _glowed. _Their Father told them it was the soul- the thing that made humans special. It was something that no other creation had and it was more powerful than anything else. More powerful even than God's love.

Heylel could not fathom that anything so strong could exist. But if their Father proclaimed it as such, it must be true.

One day, as Heylel observed Lilith, he felt an overwhelming love for her. It was a love that almost nearly matched His love for his brothers and Father, but not quite.

Another common belief that is wrong, is that Satan- under the name Samael- seduced Lilith and took her with him to Hell. That is not true. Lilith was strong, she was the male's- Adam's- equal in strength of both body and mind. She refused to subdue to him, and Heylel found that fascinating.

It was free will, another concept angels had an understanding of, but not one they themselves had.

Lilith was not seduced by Satan, but by one of the Mother's beasts. It looked human, just like she and Adam, but it wasn't. It lied to her, promised her things, and bed her. Then it proceeded to tear her apart.

The angels were confused as to what to do.

Should they heal her? Save her?

Wasn't it their duty to protect humans?

Gabriel told them not to- although he himself was a little unsure. He reminded them of what he had taught them: Humans are supposed to die. It's what they do.

Heylel was furious. How dare that filthy abomination touch his Father's most beautiful creation? How dare it ruin her, defile and murder her?

When Lilith arrived in Heaven, Heylel went to her. She was disgusting, her soul besmirched by the filth she had allowed the Beast to do to her. He was repulsed by her.

A few days after Lilith's death, a new female sprung from Adam's very flesh. This one would be called Eve. She was submissive, subservient, weaker than Adam. Heylel found her a poor replacement to the once-beautiful Lilith.

Humanity continued to evolve and grow and the angels continued to watch over them. They did their jobs, protected them, delivered messages, destroyed when the occasion called.

Over the centuries, Heylel grew more and more disturbed and sickened by the humans. They sinned as horribly as Lilith had, and even worse. Every year they came up with some new way to degrade themselves, some novel manner to defile their gorgeous, powerful souls.

How could God ever call them his most wonderful creation?

Angels were much more perfect. They were strong, powerful, dependable, obedient, structured. Humans were weak, flawed, fickle, rebellious, chaotic. They were disgusting and the angels were expected to _love _them? Love them more than they loved each other, more than they loved their Father?

Heylel could not understand it, could not do it. It made him sick.

Michael and Heylel fought constantly. Michael thought that Heylel was being rebellious, disregarding their Father's orders whenever Heylel expressed how disgusting humans were. Michael thought that Heylel was blaspheming when he said how he hated them.

For centuries, Heaven was nothing more than a shouting match between the two eldest brothers. They clashed and battled and struck each other down. Raphael tried to keep the peace, but he had never disagreed with Michael, and Heylel saw it as him taking Michael's side against him, which hurt.

Gabriel, the youngest and most wide-eyed of the four, couldn't bear it. Heylel figured that he'd at least have Gabriel at his side. Gabriel had always loved Heylel more than he loved his other brothers, had always looked up to him and tried to emulate him. Heylel taught Gabriel everything he knew, raised him and loved him unconditionally. Of all the brothers, Gabriel and Heylel were by far the closest.

When Gabriel didn't agree with Heylel, and instead begged them both to stop, begged them to reconcile, Heylel saw it as a betrayal. The way Heylel averted his eyes from Gabriel, the way he looked away, wounded and disappointed and disheartened- it felt like Gabriel's very grace being ripped out.

Millennia passed. Humans strayed from their beliefs. They created new gods, which repulsed the angels.

Heylel used it to his advantage, arguing that they did not love their Father, that _they _were the sinners, _they _were the blasphemers.

Angels then learned what the importance of Hell was.

It wasn't until billions of years later, billions of years of evolution and humans developing and learning and growing in population, that Heylel could not take it any longer.

God decided to impregnate a human woman, a virgin. The child would be a son of God, just like the angels, and would be the leader of Humanity. He would be worshipped by humans and angels alike.

It was too much for Heylel. God expected them, the perfect, beautiful angels, to _bow down _to a sick, flawed _human._

Gabriel was assigned to deliver the news to the expectant mother, and he flew to Earth with tears in his eyes, trying to forget the harsh words Heylel had been shouting at Michael right before he left. He wasn't sure how much more of their fighting he would be able to take.

The child was born and just thirty three years later- a blink of an eye- he was dead. His soul did not arrive in Heaven, and all the angels were confused. That was not part of the natural order, that wasn't supposed to happen? They had set up a throne in Heaven for Yeshua- the Messiah, named after their very own Joshua- when God had told them the news of his conception. Now that Christ was dead, He would join the ranks of Heaven, surely? But where was his soul?

Gabriel- the one who had taught all his little siblings about the natural order- was the most disturbed, even more than Heylel, when God informed them that the Christ child would be reincarnated, brought back to life.

That was _not _supposed to happen.

The angels reeled from the abrupt change, but did not question their Father. Gabriel accepted it, despite still being perturbed.

Heylel did not accept it. He could not. It wasn't _right. _Yeshua would come back to life, speak to his people, and then finally join the ranks in Heaven and take his throne, where all the angels were expected to bow down to him.

The day before Yeshua was to join them, God took his four children aside- Michael, Raphael, Gabriel, and Joshua; Heylel had flown away to let off some of his anger- and spoke to them.

"Tomorrow, the Christ child will join us," he said solemnly. "Will you all be willing to bow down to him?"

God had commanded that all angels were to bow down, so there was no question about whether or not they would. All four replied in the affirmative immediately.

God smiled, but it was a sad thing. Then, He sighed. "Heylel is not as convinced as you."

Gabriel noticed Michael's jaw tense, possibly biting back the angry words he wanted to spew about his rebellious brother.

"Michael," their Father said, and His Voice sounded odd, broken and weary. "Tomorrow, when Yeshua arrives, if Heylel does not bow down, I need you to do something very drastic. You are my eldest, my strongest. I would not trust anyone else with this task."

All four angels waited with bated breath as God explained what he needed Michael to do.

Gabriel felt his entire being grow cold, his grace hardening and his wings sagging, weak with shock and horror. "_No!" _he exclaimed, and all four brothers whirled to stare at him in shock. Gabriel had never, _never,_ questioned God. Expressing such rejection of His direct word was unheard of. Not even Heylel had ever refuted God's word to his face like Gabriel was doing right now. But Heylel was his _brother_. He could not stand by and just allow this atrocity to happen.

"You can't do this! You can't!" Gabriel cried, on the verge of tears. "Not Heylel, please! Spare him!"

Michael looked thunderous, as if he were about to strike down his insolent younger brother.

But God just smiled softly. "Sons," He said. "Would you leave me with Gabriel? I believe we must have a word in private."

Probably expecting God to punish Gabriel for his disrespect, the three flew away quickly. Gabriel was shaking out of fear and anticipation.

"Gabriel," God said reverently, the corners of his eyes crinkling with a warm smile. "My youngest archangel. My most spirited."

He took Gabriel's face into His hands, smiling down at him with glinting eyes that seemed duller than Gabriel had ever seen them. His tears slipped into the spaces where his Father's hands met his cheeks.

"Please, Father," Gabriel whispered brokenly, choking off with a sob. "Not Heylel. Not my brother, please. Spare him, I beg you."

"You must listen to me, Gabriel," God said firmly. "What I'm about to tell you is very important."

Gabriel swallowed, squeezing his eyes tight to push back any more tears before looking up intently at his Father, waiting for his message.

"The Horsemen." God's voice was strong, as if this were the most important information he had ever passed on. "Their rings, do you know of them?"

Gabriel frowned, confused, but nodded. What did this have to do with Heylel at all?

"Don't forget the rings. They will be very important in the near future. You will need them to save the world, save everything we have worked so hard to protect. You love these humans, do you not?"

_No, _Gabriel thought bitterly. They're the reason Heylel and Michael fight, the reason there's so much strife between his brothers, the reason Heylel will be punished so severely. Gabriel couldn't see how they were worth it, how they were worth his brother suffering so. He felt, for the first time since Humanity was born, that he agreed with Haylel.

"Of course," he said, but he knew he couldn't hide anything from his Father. He knew He could see exactly what he was thinking.

But God didn't punish him for the blatant lie. "One day, you will meet a pair of human brothers that will change everything for you. They will open your eyes, they will make you see how beautiful humans really are. You will love them both, and you will love humanity. You must help them, tell them of the rings. Do you understand?"

Gabriel nodded as best he could with his Father's hands on his face.

"There is something else I need you to remember, and it is the most important task. More important than even Michael's."

Gabriel frowned again. Was God going to ask him to strike down another brother?

"Protect Castiel."

_Nothing is making any sense today! _Gabriel thought desperately. He knew Castiel, of course. One of the youngest angels, in the lower garrisons. He was as obedient and stoic as an angel could be. The perfect soldier. Nothing very interesting about him.

"If there is one angel who will be more important for the fate of humanity than even you, it is Castiel. You and Castiel must save this earth. The brothers, Gabriel. _Remember the brothers. _They are the focal point of everything I am telling you."

Gabriel had no idea what his Father could possibly be referring to, but he never had, really. Everything always came together in the end, everything always made sense somehow. Gabriel had faith that in a few decades, maybe some centuries or even millennia, everything about the rings, the brothers and the littlest angel in the garrison would fall together.

"I am sorry about Heylel, my son," God whispered, sounding sad and tired again. "You understand that I love him, do you not?"

The tears were flowing again, but he nodded, because even though he was doubting everything right now, he could never doubt their Father's love, for any of them.

"But this _must _happen. It will teach you what I've always meant for you to learn, what I should have taught you at the beginning."

Gabriel raised his eyes, wide and glistening, to look at his Father. "What will we learn, Father? What are you going to teach us?"

God's smile was big and bright and honest. It was a look of pride and his eyes were shining in a way Gabriel had only ever seen directed at Heylel, the most loved. And it was being directed at _him _now. Gabriel soaked up the attention, kept it inside and stored it away to cherish it always.

"I am so proud to tell you that you will be the first of all my children to learn it." He leaned forward, pressed His forehead to His son's. "My beautiful, beautiful Messenger. More beautiful than even Heylel. You will be great one day, Gabriel. Greater than even Michael."

And then He was gone, and Gabriel fell to his knees with the shock, gasping broken sobs. Greater than Michael? More beautiful than Heylel? Gabriel couldn't grasp it.

Once he recomposed himself, he flew back to join his brothers. Michael was surprised to see him unscathed, but Joshua smiled, happy to see him all right. Raphael seemed indifferent, standing behind Michael submissively.

"What did He say?" Michael demanded.

Gabriel raised his eyes to meet his older brother's.

_You will be great one day, Gabriel. Greater than even Michael._

"Words that were only for me," Gabriel replied dryly, and Michael raised an eyebrow at the tone. Gabriel didn't care if he sounded insolent. "Brother, if you go through with Father's orders tomorrow-"

"If?" Michael spat. "How is there even a question of whether or not I will? Of course I will, Gabriel. Father commanded it."

Gabriel pursed his lips, nodding slowly, trying to hide how devastated, broken and terrible he felt inside. "Fine. Just know- when you do, you will be losing more than just one brother."

Joshua's expression fell into devastation, Raphael's eyes widened, and Michael looked like he'd been struck by lightning.

Michael recovered from the shock quickly and stepped up to Gabriel, looming over him and practically snarling into the younger archangel's face. "I always knew you would side with Heylel. I warn you, brother, if you rebel like he has, I will not hesitate to strike you down along with him, Father's orders or no."

Gabriel's jaw went slack. He didn't know exactly what it was he was feeling, but if he were human, he knew what he'd call it- _heartbreak._

"Fine," Gabriel rasped, hiding away the pain. "I'll keep that in mind tomorrow."

He flew away without another word, leaving Michael reeling.

Gabriel reached a mountaintop, one of his favorites. The air was crisp and clean and pure. As close to the atmosphere in Heaven as one could get on Earth.

Michael's words rang in his ears. How could he threaten Gabriel so? How could he feel no qualms about striking down not just one but _two _of his brothers? How could he not at least hesitate?

Despite everything God had told him, Gabriel knew he couldn't go through with any of it. He knew he would never be greater than Michael, or more beautiful than Heylel. He had decided what he was going to do and it wasn't grand or admirable. It was downright cowardly.

He could, at least, remember the thing about the rings. If he was going to go against his Father's direct orders, he could do at least _something _right. Remember the rings.

Oh, and Castiel. What would he do about Castiel?

_Balthazar, _he called.

"Yes, Gabriel?" came a voice behind him and Gabriel turned to smile sadly at his best General, his most trusted brother besides Heylel.

"Balthazar," he greeted. "It's nice to see you." Gabriel bit his lip, unsure of how to phrase his request. He couldn't tell Balthazar everything. Just the important part. "Do you know Castiel?"

Balthazar frowned. "Vaguely. He's in another garrison, but we have crossed paths before. Why?"

"I need you to keep an eye on him," Gabriel said. "Just, watch out for him. Make sure he does what he's supposed to. Stay close to him." The archangel swallowed, flexing his wings uncomfortably. "There's going to be two brothers. I don't know when and I don't know why they're so important, but they are. I guess we'll know when the time comes, and when it does, I need you to make sure Castiel is assigned to them. Whatever the job may be. Just make sure Castiel meets those brothers, do you understand?"

The angel opened his mouth, brows still furrowed. He closed it again, looking away as if he were searching for the right words. "Not really," he admitted finally.

Gabriel smiled wryly. "No, I guess you wouldn't." He eyed the snow at his feet, how clean and pure it was. How it seemed to sparkle and glisten, perfect. It reminded him so much of Heaven, and he sighed sadly. At least he'd still have this mountaintop after all of this. "But you will. We all will, I suppose. When the time's right. Just…don't forget, all right?"

Balthazar nodded, accepting the order, and Gabriel dismissed him.

Gabriel stayed on the mountaintop and didn't return to Heaven that day.

The next day, when Yeshua had risen, Gabriel was among the spectators. He watched as the Christ's soul rose to Heaven, and disappeared.

As he fashioned himself a disguise, a new name, a new face, he felt the Earth shift. He felt _something _change, something almost imperceptible in the atmosphere. None of the humans around him registered it, no one seemed affected, but Gabriel knew. Gabriel felt it.

He broke down and he cried, because he knew Heylel had Fallen.

It wasn't until much later, after he had joined the pagan gods, mixed in among them, claimed to be one of them, that he learned that Heylel was now called 'Lucifer', that he had become the imaginary creature that humans had created to be God's adversary. Lucifer was now Satan, the Devil, the ruler of Hell.

When the first demon rose, Gabriel recognized her immediately as Lilith.

Heylel must have taken her down from Heaven with him when Michael struck him down.

More demons sprung forth from Hell, and human hunters learned to adapt their skills to fighting them as well. Gabriel sometimes thought of helping them, of maybe trying to amend his brother's mistakes, but he never did, and he felt like a coward.

Gabriel never felt great or beautiful, like God had said he'd be. Gabriel felt weak and craven, a shame, an embarrassment to his family.

But if he didn't have to watch Michael and Heylel tear each other to shreds anymore, it didn't seem so bad. It was selfish, sure, but Gabriel was a pagan now. Selfish came with the territory.

The only thing that Gabriel kept of his old self were his wings, which he could never tear off without becoming human and always kept hidden from his pagan friends, and the information God had given him. Gabriel went by Loki now, but he never forgot.

He never forgot about the rings, or Castiel, or the two brothers.

And in the end, whether Gabriel realized it or not, he fulfilled God's prediction for him. To the last detail.


End file.
